El Savior 34, Sex Cannon 10

I'll get back to the stadium reviews later... I just have to share my joy.



Tony Romo's sweat cures the common cold.

Tony Romo will taze you, bro.

Tony Romo knows the answer, and it's not 42.

If the Bears' defense were a dog, PETA would've been all over Tony Romo. Romo would've then shook PETA to the turf.

Tony Romo fumbled that snap on purpose last year. Had he advanced to play New Orleans, the devastation would've made Katrina look like a slight drizzle.

George Bush failed in his search for weapons of mass destruction because he did not search the University of Eastern Illinois campus.

Tony Romo has the construda, motherfucka.

Tony Romo has a pack of fuck lions guarding his house.

At the DMV, there are three lines. The appointment line, the non-appointment line and the Tony Romo line. Do not step into the Tony Romo line.

Chuck Norris recently came out of the closet as a Romosexual.

Fuck ice water. Tony Romo has chips from the iceberg that sank the Titanic flowing through his veins.

Tony Romo has no problems with his TPS reports.

Gilette razor company has recently been sued for false advertising, claiming that they are "The Best A Man Can Get." This is false because A. Tony Romo was not in the ad and B. There is no Tony Romo razor.

A Tony Romo razor would shave your wife, then score with her.

A grilled cheese sandwich that Tony Romo looked at just went for $5 million on eBay.

Barry Bonds never did steroids. He did, however, shake hands with Tony Romo.

That's all I got. 3-0, bitches!

The Broke College Student's Guide to California Ballparks

I love baseball. But there's just one problem. My education is really cutting into my baseball-watching time. I mean, seriously, I'd rather watch the professor pitch than listen to one lecture. And we all know education = money. If I wasn't going to college, man, think of all the season tickets I could buy.

So, now that I've sat in the cheap seats at all five MLB ballparks in California, I've compiled a guide (obviously, hence the title). I'll be basing my rankings on a 1-10 scale:

- Price: 1 = Top hat and monocle handed out at the gate, 10 = I'd bring a bulletproof vest or pack some heat

- Fan atmosphere: 1 = Waves/cell phones out-number "Let's Go ____!" cheers, 10 = Anyone wearing anything close to the opposing colors gets booed out

- Food: 1 = You're better off sneaking in month-old hot dogs from 7-11, 10 = It's actually worth the money

- Team: 1 = Parades thrown after wins over the Royals/Pirates, 10 = World Series flags galore

- Stuff to do before/after the game: 1 = Drive home, 10 = You could stay around the ballpark all day if you wanted

- Overall stadium experience: 1 = It's better to just watch on TV, 10 = Fuckin' awesome!

For now, I'll review the San Diego Padres' Petco Park, and then probably get to the rest later today.

Petco Park, San Diego


Price: 4
Probably the most expensive of the California ballparks, but I think it's worth it. If you want to sit on the lower deck, just forget about it (of course, I'm used to Oakland ticket prices). It'll run you about $50 (god, I hate all those "convenience" fees), but the cheaper seats offer the best view, in my opinion. My favorite section, Upper Infield Reserved, costs $18 if you buy it before the day of the game and gives you a view of the entire field plus the San Diego skyline. I highly recommend it.

I gave it a moderate score because I love the Park Pass ($5), which gets you standing room only, or a sitting place on the hill. If I just want to catch some baseball on the cheap, I'll do this. Petco also has 2-for-1 specials on the Upper Deck Outfield and Toyota Terrace (I'll get to that later) on Thursday day games.

Why it didn't score higher was because of sections like the Toyota Terrace. Logic has told me that if the lower deck is $40-50 and the upper deck is $14-18, the 2nd deck must be somewhere in between, right? Wrong. The Toyota Terrace is the most expensive seat in the house (well, not counting the Sony Dugout Club, which requires a Swiss bank account) with prices ranging from $45-60.

And while I understand the economic benefits of "premium" games... I hate them. Why don't I get to pay less when the Pirates or Nationals come to town?


Fan Atmosphere: 6
This is another instance where the good met the bad and kinda met in the middle. I have yet to be at a Padres game where the insufferable wave didn't break out. Sorry guys, if the home team is up or down by less than 5 runs, I can't justify the wave. I've seen it break out in the eighth inning in a close game with the defending World Series Champion Cardinals. Bad form. Unless the scoreboard tells them to (and it will do it quite often), fans rarely break out with cheers.

But there are some times where I truly LOVE to be a part of the Petco experience. Before the game, they sometimes have live music at the Park in the Park and the entire stadium goes fucking crazy when this guy comes in. Hells Bells raised this score a couple points. Also, in right field, these fans post K's for each strikeout. It's fun when Jake Peavy pitches, because they insert the K's in his name. Often, you'll see JAKKKKKKKKKE.


Food: 8
I had the Slugger Dog at the Randy Jones BBQ last night. Holy shit. That raised the score of food immensely. It's $7, but it's fucking huge. One will probably be enough food for you for the entire game, unless you're a bigger guy like me. When the lady gave it to me, I was thinking, "Do I eat this, or use it for self-defense?" It was barbecued (of course) and oh-so-good. There were other items on the RJ BBQ menu that looked good, but it'll be a bit pricey. If they're as good as the Slugger Dog, though, I think it's worth the extra money. Petco also has a great variety of food, ranging from the basic hot dogs/peanuts/popcorn to Oggi's Pizza, "Garlic" fries, chicken and Rubio's, a San Diego favorite. All in all, the prices may scare you away, but for some of the things, it's worth it.


Team: 7
The Padres, while they don't exactly excel in the playoffs, are usually a pretty good team and a playoff contender. Watching Jake Peavy pitch is just amazing. He may not get the headlines that other top pitchers like Josh Beckett and Johan Santana do, but the man can put up K's like crazy. There's also Chris Young, Greg Maddux and the incomparable Trevor Hoffman to watch. While hitting is kind of their bugaboo, they hold their own. Whenever you go, you're probably going to be seeing some good baseball.


Stuff to do before/after game: 10
Petco has a great location, right in the heart of Downtown San Diego. It used to be a slum before they built the park, but it is in the process being rejuvenated. Most fans go to the Gaslamp District, which is basically right outside the park, after the game for a bite to eat or a drink. While there's not much to do on a college budget, I highly recommend Dick's Last Resort. If you want your ass kissed, though, avoid it. The waiters are paid to treat you like assholes, and you're encouraged to give them attitude right back, though. The food is a little expensive, but compared to the other high-scale restaurants in the Gaslamp, it's not bad. Ghirardelli's (yummy ice cream and chocolate) is also fairly packed after day games, as fans look for a cool treat.


Overall stadium experience: 8
First off... you're in San Diego. You can't ask for better weather. When the team is good, the fans are apt to be a bit more lively. Petco is new, so a lot of the problems of older stadiums are non-existent. It's a baseball-only facility, unlike their last home (Qualcomm Stadium), that they shared with the NFL's Chargers. Most of the seats are angled to face home plate and the ushers are nice (the Elite Security people, not so much). I love how the ushers stop people from going up/down a row while action is going on. I HATE it when I'm trying to watch a game, and people arrive in the middle of an inning like they own the place. Ushers hold the people until there's a break in the action so that way instances like this are avoided.

All in all, Petco is probably my favorite California ballpark, fandom aside.

Total: 43

Liveblog - 3/10/07 vs. Michigan

6:10pm:
I've been here for about 45 minutes. These facilities are immaculate. That's the best way I can describe them. I'm sitting here in the PETCO Park press box (seat 21, naturally) in total amazement. The press box is open-air, so there is no barrier betwixt me and the ambiance of the field. I love it. I can soak in both the game and the San Diego skyline. Note to Tony - can we please knock out the window in the SDSU press box? Get on that.

The band is here... first baseball game I've ever seen them at. On that note... when was the last time any baseball team ever had a band? I can't recall any Major League ones (well, aside from Oakland's amazing LF bleacher drummers).

SDSU appears to be wearing their 10000000000th uniform combination in the season - white jersey/white pants. Christ, we really ARE a Nike school. Must be new for this game, because I haven't seen this white jersey before.

It's now T-minus 10 mins 'til Tony's special ceremony.

6:26pm:
They're playing Avril Lavigne's "Skater Boi".
Shoot me.

6:34pm:
I almost forgot Tony played basketball. As Ted Leitner is saying... he played both sports "OLD SCHOOL"

Word up.

7:00pm:
They just finished the ceremony and video tribute. Fuckin-A, man, fuckin-A. I still don't have a lineup sheet. Why the hell not?

7:13pm:
UM's Jason Christian has the weirdest, most bugged out look on his face. Billings has had a good fastball, mid-to-high 80s, and he's mixing it up in the first inning. That's a 1-2-3 inning!

7:21pm:
More observations: The writer next to me keeps mumbling. It's slightly disturbing. Michigan's catcher's mask has the Wolverine pattern like they do on the football helmet. 0-0 after 1.

For once, asshat, I thank you

Ken Tremendous and Junior have Joe Morgan.
Will Leitch and AJ Daulerio have Stuart Scott.

And now I have Curt Schilling.

For those of you who don't know... I don't particularly like the asshat blowhole bane of society Boston Red Sox pitcher.

I'm going to try Fire Joe Morgan's style of blogging and break down Schilling's first entry, Throwing out the first pitch

I’ve done it. I’ve caved and am actually taking the blog plunge.

Thank god. I needed my daily dose of idiocy.

I’ve been called everything from outspoken to blowhard to much, much worse.

My god! He can read my mind! WITCH! WITCH! BURN HIM!

I’ve never been a yes/no kind of guy, which probably hasn’t been received well by some. I don’t know that I’ll be changing my style, but I do know that getting ripped for something I say here will be getting ripped for something I actually said–with the entire contents of my comments included.

That’s not to say I’ll be preaching from the pulpit–far from it. Being a major league baseball player does not give me keen insight into politics, education, or anything else for that matter.

Curt Schilling, the guy who is learning Japanese to tell another culture how he feels about everything, will not be using the internets to preach? Really, now? Ethos be damned. He acknowledges that he doesn't know shit about anything, yet over and over and over, relishes the opportunity to stand on a soap box. Hell, in searching for articles about his outspokenness, "Curt Schilling said" was the third-highest tag available.

Curt, you have as much business talking about politics as I do about nuclear fusion or ways to dye a sock red. Stick to Worlds of Warcraft.

The truth is, I’ve been wrong as many times, if not more, than I’ve been right in my life.

Duh.

I’m hoping this little experiment turns into something productive. At some point in the future we’ll steer this more toward a Q&A forum where we can talk about baseball and other things that interest people.

Translation: I will sound off on anything and everything. Ask me a question and I will tell you how to think. After all, I am Curt Schilling. I won a World Series with one leg and am now trying to help George W. Bush get this country back on the right and moral path.

The hotels all have room service and the women all have long legs and brains

At around 1:12 today, I realized how great my job really is.

I could be working at the Aztec Market, dealing with sorority queens and other rude people all day.

I could be working in the library, silent and boring.

I could be greasing up my face by working at some restaurant.

But nope, I get to mix love and work. I'm a baseball writer.

My latest article came out yesterday, but I was too busy to link it.

Most days, you don't even need to watch the game to tell who won.

Following victories, you can hear the San Diego State baseball team loudly singing the school's fight song in the locker room.

After losses?

You'll hear nary a ballplayer.

Yesterday, you could hear "Fight on and on ye Aztec men" all the way from Stockton, near the Bay Area. Thanks to a five-run fifth inning, SDSU topped No. 28 Baylor, 6-2, in the final game of the Pacific State Bank Tiger Classic.

"That was a super game," head coach Tony Gwynn said in a phone interview.

I really liked this quote at the end...

The victory was the third of the year for the Aztecs over an opponent ranked in the top 30.

"It doesn't matter what name is on the jersey," Sewell said. "We know we can take care of them."

I'm really trying to get better. Now that I've talked with one of the other amazing writers at the DA, I hate this story. I really could've done more with it, but it was on deadline and I was just trying to get it over the plate. He told me to write like I talk. I'm gonna try this with my next articles, because I'd really love to be on his career path - freelancing for Sports Illustrated at 23. I want to do that at 21, or hell, even later this year. I want to be on ESPN by 25. That's my goal.

Back to my original point, I'm pretty lucky. Most people my age are working at jobs they hate either because of the pay or the drama with other people. I look forward to drama in my job. I'm finally adjusting to Tony, knowing that I cannot just treat him like any other coach I've talked to. I've got to expect some shit, and I have to dish it right back at him.

But my job is perfect. I get paid to watch baseball. In San Diego. Beat that, stock boy at Safeway. As I'm typing this right now, it's 74 degrees and sunny as hell. I know parts of the country where it's raining or snowing or just generally pretty cold. I wore shorts and a t-shirt today.

I'm very ready to go to Spring Training. I'm a baseball addict, and I just need my fix.

Next article on Thursday previewing the Tony Gwynn Classic.

Wednesday: A rant about sensitivity in sports - or - a rant about love for team vs. love for a player. Stay tuned and stay classy.

Daisuke Matsuzaka does not throw a gyroball

I do actually have something constructive to say, but it'll wait til later today as I've gotta jet soon. I've started many blogs, just never really followed up on them. I'm going to try to update this thing every day with news and views about SDSU athletics, pro baseball and football and just sports in general.

I'm nu skool, and old school. I love Moneyball, but hate the designated hitter.

I'm really not much of a columnist (as you'll probably find out later), but this is going to be my way to practice. Kind of a stream-of-consciousness schtick without worrying about AP style or deadlines.

I hate the media, yet I'm a sportswriter.

I'll post my articles on here, because I'm just that cool, and maybe liveblog a baseball game or two, for all of the five people who will probably read this shit.